The good news

 

It's our words and actions that change the world. Not our feelings and passing thoughts. We can take our feelings of discomfort with us and keep exploring, keep moving in the direction of our values. We will be wiser and more resilient for our efforts. 

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How would you talk to a friend? 

If a friend was working on something, that really mattered to them, and they were feeling discouraged, what would you say to them? The way we speak to others is often much more effective than the ways we talk to our self. 

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Check your intention, apologise and begin again. 

Be really honest with yourself.

"Oops! I was actually saying that to show I know lots about....rather than to help." It's normal to want to feel capable but to go around telling people how capable we are is not helpful. Refocus on your values and carry on. If you need to apologise then do that. You can't choose the other person's response, but you will know you did your best. Humility is almost always met with forgiveness and aroha. Other Tāngata tiriti will see that they don't have to be perfect to begin to learn. 

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Notice, care, refocus.

Sometime people have feeling of guilt and overwhelm at not being able to 'fix' the past. We can't choose our past or the actions of our ancestors or past governments. Is it possible that we are feeling this way because we really care about fairness? Because we think care for others matters? Those are wonderful values! You are on the right track. Remember "Feeling uncomfortable is not the same as being unsafe".  You are only responsible for your own actions. 

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It's ok to not know.

This work can seem to bring up more questions than it answers.- Keep going

It's better to be unsure than to be certain but ignorant. 

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Acknowledge your courage.

It is a sign of our privilage that we have not had to look at our privilage. It's natural to feel vulnerable when we step into the unknown.  It takes courage to choose to feel vulnerable. 

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Find Support

Keep your ears and eyes open so you can spot people who may support you. People who are able to talk about noticing discomfort with their own past or present feelings and thoughts are likely to be helpful and supportive.

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If you are feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts and feelings learn to 'Drop Anchor'. This is a practice developed by Dr Russ Harris. The idea is that we can learn from our thoughts and emotions but not be swept away by them. Practice Dropping Anchor when you are feeling on top of things so you're ready when things get tough.

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